The Tranquil Vintessa

When did it become crazy to go out alone? In an age where singleness runs rampant and there seems to be a new loneliness epidemic being reported daily, why is it considered radical to take yourself out on dates?

Where did the term “solo date” even come from? I feel like the name came out of nowhere, but the concept and idea behind it is something beautiful. Because the biggest difference between just going out alone and being on a solo date is the energy behind it. If I’m already out running errands and go into a café for lunch, that’s just grabbing a bite to eat. But a solo date is where you get dressed in something you love, do up your makeup, and take yourself somewhere you enjoy. You go see a show just for you or do something simply because you want to. You’re doing something special for yourself.

Solo dating is showing yourself kindness in a way that isn’t simply taking care of yourself. It’s the difference between buying yourself a cup of coffee in the morning and sitting in the café to drink it. Solo dating is the experience of self-love, something that we all, myself included, sometimes forget to do while we just try to get through the day.

I didn’t have the smoothest start to solo living. There was a time when simply enjoying my own life wasn’t really available to me.

After I got myself into a more stable place, I wanted to get back into my old habits. I wanted to enjoy life again.

I wanted to learn how to enjoy simple things, not anything that was a huge undertaking or something I had to plan and take time off for, but just a way to give myself a little extra love. A big part of what’s helping is giving myself small treats and days that are just for me, taking myself on those solo dates.

I remember the first time I did it. Years ago, I went to see Joker alone. It was my first time seeing a movie alone. I wasn’t on a date or with a friend. It was just me, and I loved sitting in the theater, watching the movie, giggling, laughing, and processing it and its message on my own. I could have the experience that I wanted. When I left the movie, I was on cloud nine. Not only was the movie great, but I loved the feeling of doing something just for myself and being able to simply unwind.

Slowly, it became my favorite mini date. I’d go out and catch a matinee, order something from the concession stand, and lose myself in a movie. Then I’d go do something else for myself, not an errand, but something that continued this main character feeling I had. Like thrifting, walking, getting a pedicure, anything that made me feel good. Then I’d go home, “back to myself,” feeling a little more whole.

Solo dating reminded me that there’s a life beyond the walls of my apartment. That life can be had with $10 or $20. It’s all about how we perceive it and experience it.

I was doing myself a disservice by thinking the only way to treat myself is with extravagance. I can grab a $10 movie ticket, walk around a thrift shop just to see what they have, go to a museum just to get inspired, or drive around and explore a new attraction. It doesn’t have to be extravagant or even expensive. It just has to be a moment that reinforces the idea that the world is a bigger place.

Those little days make the rest of the days easier.

And that’s something I lost so many years ago: the simple act of going out into the world, doing something because I wanted to, and coming back home to myself.