The Tranquil Vintessa

I wasn’t brought up around the most encouraging people. I was never taught to dream big—more often, the message was simply not to cause problems. Because of that, I never had much confidence in myself.

Once I was out on my own, that pattern continued. Even when I went home after successfully handling life by myself, I was still looked at like a child who didn’t know what she was talking about. The truth was that I did.

After separating myself from that circle for a while, I started to find myself and do more. I began my journey into bohemianism and slow, rustic living, and for the first time, I recognized myself. I also started seeing people for who they were instead of who I wanted them to be.

One of the most powerful lessons I learned was that hurt people don’t just hurt people—they can also keep you where they can control you. Sometimes the only way forward is to leave at the first sign that someone is trying to keep you small.

The biggest change came when I left a relationship that had no future and that I wasn’t happy in. There were signs before, but I never took them seriously because I wasn’t planning on building a life with this person; it was just fun. Deep down, I already knew I was leaving, but on my birthday, I finally accepted it was time to go. I had put too much stock into a relationship I knew I didn’t want.

So I told myself, “I don’t need anyone. I can do this alone.”

And I did.

It ended up being one of the best birthdays I’ve ever had. I tried float therapy for the first time (read about it here), and it started a tradition of doing something new or completely self-serving every year on my birthday. It’s part of the reason I eventually went to Asheville (read about that here).

After that day, I experienced a surge of confidence. Not in a cheesy “believe in yourself” kind of way, but in a practical one. I looked at what I had accomplished on my own and realized I could trust my intuition. I could make a plan, execute it, and trust myself to handle the outcome.

As I reflected on other moments in my life where I had followed my own instincts, I noticed something: the path always seemed to open up when I trusted myself.

With that in mind, I started trying new things and exploring different sides of myself. One of the biggest moments came when I bought a new car.

I had an old beater that cost more than it was worth. I bought it on someone else’s recommendation after my previous car broke down. Financially, I was in a good position, but I convinced myself that buying an older car was the responsible choice. I regretted that decision almost every day I drove it.

The car was slowly falling apart. Every strange noise, bump, or vibration filled me with anxiety. I would lie awake at night wondering when it was finally going to break down.

Following the advice of others, I thought I should keep it until the wheels fell off and just let it ride. But when it started stalling at stoplights, I knew I’d had enough.

For once, I stopped worrying about what everyone else thought I should do and listened to myself. I started looking around, making phone calls, and before long I had a test drive scheduled.

The car was perfect. It had a clean history, no major accidents, and it was my favorite color: green.

When I drove off the lot, I felt accomplished. Not because I had bought a car, but because I had trusted myself. I hadn’t asked for permission. I hadn’t followed advice that I knew wasn’t right for me. I asked questions, made my own decision, and ended up with a car I genuinely love.

That’s when I started wondering:

What else could I do?

I had spent so much of my life seeking feedback, guidance, or permission from other people before making decisions. This time, I didn’t ask permission. I just did it.

It felt like the weight of baggage I didn’t even know I was carrying had fallen away.

The more I trusted myself, the more peace I found. I started relying on my own judgment and feelings, and life began falling into place. Things made sense, and that imaginary pressure I had carried for years was suddenly gone.

It taught me an important lesson: when you trust your own judgment and stay aligned with yourself, everything else begins to align naturally.