The Tranquil Vintessa

I have a confession: social media is ruining my brain. I’m sorry, it is.

I moved to a new city and slowly my friend circle dwindled away to the point where I might go out every few weeks. So most nights, I’m on the phone scrolling, binge-watching a show, or maybe trying a new recipe.

It’s crazy to believe that just a year ago, my life was not like this. I had friends that I saw weekly or biweekly, and I went out to cafes and was social. But it was almost like I woke up one day and was shut in, scrolling on my phone, wondering where my life disappeared to.

When I would talk to people, I referred to things that were trending online, but no one in the real world knew what I was talking about. It was madness.

I used to be so happy laughing at videos and commenting on them; I enjoyed it. But now it just triggers me in a way that I never knew was possible. In short, being online is not fun anymore, and my actual life is just dull. I’m living my greatest fear.

After saying something so embarrassing that I thought was normal, and it in fact was not, I realized something provocative: I need to get out of the house more and off my phone.

I need to be out and be around people. Even if I’m not interacting with people, I just need to be out more and get out more.

I did it for a few days, and I have to say, I felt great. My anxiety was subdued. In fact, I didn’t have one bad thought the entire time I was out, and the people were friendly. Even better, I didn’t spend more than $20. It wasn’t nearly as expensive as I thought “life” was.

Maybe the boomers were right. Maybe the reason I was sad, depressed wasn’t just my trauma. It was the fact that I sat in the house all day on my phone, using that as a distraction instead of just going out and living.

As they say, get off that damn phone.

So what did my day out look like? What did I do?

Firstly, I got dressed. Nothing fantastic, but I got dressed in a halter top with stripes and wide-leg jeans with my Birkenstock sandals, paired with hoops. I was going to the cafe to attempt to write and get a chicken sandwich I loved.

The cafe was empty. Only two people were there for a pickup order. I was uncomfortable with the emptiness and quiet. So I left after eating.

I then went to find an antique shop, but I stumbled upon a florist shop where she told me the antique shop that was there had closed and wouldn’t reopen until October. She then recommended I go to this huge antique shop that was less than a mile from her, and it was actually one that was on my must-visit list.

I drove down and spent two hours just looking around the shop and didn’t even cover half of it.

The women in the shop were so sweet, and one customer who saw me looking at the records told me that there were more down the hall, and she wasn’t kidding! There were three large tables full of boxes of records, then more on the floor. As I continued to walk, there were even more.

Eventually, I got overwhelmed and had to leave.

After being home for a few moments to cool down and chill with my pup, I posted some clothes on Vinted to sell and then went back out to grab dinner.

I did all this and still had time left in my day before I went to bed. I was shocked, honestly, because I never thought there was time in the day.

I realized not only did I have time, I also had more energy than I thought I ever did, and I was happy.

Not a huge weight lifted off my shoulders, but just an overall feeling of calm. Not dread, not frustration, not anxious like danger is around every corner. Just that the world isn’t so small or all bad. It’s multifaceted.

So I continued this afterwards as well.

After work, I ran my errands, I went shopping, and tried a new restaurant. I didn’t rush. I didn’t need to go home. I just allowed myself to be surrounded by people and a little in the way, but I just waited and attempted to not let my RBF give off anger.

I smiled. I spoke. And I went home.

Overall, I think my main takeaway is online might be a large presence in the world, but it’s not all of the world.

And sometimes when creating a cozy, soft life, we think of it in one way: slow mornings, quiet evenings, predictable routines. And while all of that is nice, we need to remind ourselves that you don’t need someone or a grand day out to get you out the house.

You can just leave and explore, and you might feel all the better for it.