The Tranquil Vintessa

Growing up, I was surrounded by a large community. Everyone knew me through a family member or a friend. You would think that would mean I had a constant support system and people looking out, but it was quite the opposite. I felt as if there were constant eyes on me, and one step out of line, and everyone would know. This wasn’t helped with my parents saying, “What would people think?” Being that I was raised in the church, I also had a set of rules I had to follow, or else be an outcast, then go to hell. By the time I left, I had no sense of self. I also had terrible self-esteem that I coped with in not so stellar ways. Once I got sick of my own bullshit, I decided it was time to get myself together. I didn’t like the person that I was, and I didn’t want to continue on the path that I was on. So I got off and went a different way. I want to share with you a little about what I did, and I hope it gives you some perspective on your journey.

Envision who you want to be. When you think about your ideal self, what do they look like? What is their everyday routine, not on an amazing day but just on a random Tuesday afternoon? Do they work out daily? Are they out with friends? What are they doing? For me, my ideal self was shocking. I remember sitting at work and thinking about this and discovered my ideal self was single, at most, a long-term partner, bohemian, and eclectic. She lived in a modest city in a beautiful condo surrounded by trees. She met with her friends regularly and had an assistant. I remember when I was younger and had this vision, but I always thought it was so small. “You’re supposed to reach for the stars!” Well, my stars are a little closer to earth than others, and I’ll be fine. Your ideal self might not be what you think it should be, but it should feel right to you. Don’t try to appease others when you make it. Sit with yourself and truly think about what would make you happy in life.

Create A Slogan. Create something, a phrase or a slogan for your life that boosts your confidence every day. It can be as long or as short as you want it to be, but hold it in your heart and memorize it. Use it to empower you daily. When I came up with mine, I wrote it out on printer paper with a big black sharpie. I taped it up on the wall at the foot of my bed. Although I didn’t read it every day, my eyes saw it and registered it in my brain. I would suggest something that has your name in it, so you resonate with it more, and it’s more personalized. Have it be as spirit-boosting, cheesy, and motivating as you like. Everyone doesn’t have to like it, but it’s not for them; it’s for you.

Begin small changes. Please don’t try to overhaul your life; it will happen. This should be a slow process; you’re creating your life, not painting your nails. With your ideal self as your guide, take one (small) thing from what your ideal self’s Tuesday looks like and do it. If it’s waking up earlier, then wake up earlier. If it’s walking more, maybe park further from the shops. Do something small and easy, then once you get comfortable, add something else, then something else. Again, start small, don’t burn yourself out doing it. Subtle changes get you to your goal better than an overhaul.

Cheer Yourself On For Your Victories. When I started this journey, I had low self-esteem. I had to tell myself every day, I am worthy and I can do it, rereading that quote I made that told me I can do anything because of what me and my ancestors survived and thrived through. Once I started doing it, I would always be like ‘HELL YEAH! I did that!” It then grew into me saying I’m great. Anytime I have an opinion of myself, it turns into I’m great, I’m amazing. I cheer myself on for surviving my past and not becoming a statistic. I cheer myself on for trying new things that I never thought I would do. I’m very careful about what I say about myself and nothing negative will come out of my mouth about me ever! That’s not how we speak to ourselves. So cheer yourself on; you should always be your biggest supporter.

Accept Your Failures. You’re not going to be great at everything. You have to learn and try things over and over again. And that’s fine as long as you don’t rag on yourself about it. That does nothing but put you in a negative headspace. And what does ragging on yourself do? Nothing but make you not want to try again. But what if you did try again? What if you said “Dang I messed that up, let me learn about what I did wrong and try again,” or when your mind plays your worst hits, what if you combatted it by singing your own praises? Those dark days probably won’t last as long as they used to, and you’d leave that moment feeling more secure than you went in. And that’s the goal in life: to improve, to better yourself, to create the person you want to be. That will come with bumps in the road, and it’s okay; just keep driving. It’ll feel weird at first, but it will come, trust me.

Embrace yourself. Last step, embrace yourself, love on you and embrace the changes you’re making and the life you’re about to create. You’re going to do amazing things, so don’t let people who don’t understand the vision give feedback on it. It’s not about them; it’s about you. As long as you’re not hurting others, it’s all good. So be as weird or as odd as you want to be and alter when needed. You won’t get everything right the first time, it’s new. Sometimes the road will look different than what you think, and you’ll need to make a U-turn. Reevaluate where needed but always stay true to you. Once you find your rhythm, it’ll work out the way you need it.

I applied all these steps to my own life, and I’ve never felt so at home in my body and my life ever. Even if my life isn’t perfect, I still struggle; I’m happy with my life overall. Had I not been true to myself, who knows where I would be? But who cares. My self-worth and esteem are so high, and I hope these steps help you too.

Please let me know what you think and share some steps that you think would help or share with others you think this could help!