The Tranquil Vintessa

When I was spiraling, the last thing I wanted to do was put together an outfit. It seemed pointless. Why do all that fussing over myself when I was “just going” somewhere? The grocery store, work, errands—it didn’t matter. I’d tell myself I didn’t care who saw me.

That mindset carried on for years. Same song, same dance: no effort, no energy. But when I really think back, I’m not even sure what I didn’t care about. People often assume it’s about not caring what others think—but was it really about them? Or was it about me? About how I perceived myself?

When I finally began my self-love journey, I realized something important: I needed to work on my external world as much as my internal one. Reading The Mountain Is You by Brianna Wiest (highly recommend) shifted my perspective. One thing it asked me to consider was: Who do you want to be in the future—not just now—and how will you get there?

That’s when I began to visualize my “higher self.” At first, she was an ambient, glowing figure. But as I kept working, she began to take on a more human form. She started guiding my daily routines, especially around self-care. That’s when I realized how deep my “I don’t care” mindset had gone.

I started very small. A rule for myself: if I left the house, I at least had to put on my eyebrows. My unruly brows needed taming, and it felt doable. Soon it became adding a little foundation, then more. The shift was gradual but real.

And then I had another realization: what I once thought was “confidence” (going out bare-faced, head down, avoiding interaction) wasn’t confidence at all. It was insecurity. It was my defense mechanism, my wall. When I began presenting myself—even just somewhat put together—I noticed the difference. I could relax. I didn’t feel like I had to rush through places unseen. I held my head higher.

This small change snowballed. I began enjoying makeup again. I felt attractive rather than ashamed. And then I wanted my clothes to reflect that same energy. Just like skincare and makeup, getting dressed became another opportunity to care for myself.

And here’s the thing: getting dressed has nothing to do with what people think. It’s not about them at all. It’s about me. It’s about how I honor myself.

Now, when I get ready in the morning, I don’t see it as a chore. I see it as a sacred pause, a moment of stillness with myself. Sure, it means getting up earlier, but it doesn’t feel like just checking a box. It feels like presence. I look at my clothes, I feel grateful that I even have choices, and I take a deep breath before starting the day.

So whether I’m going somewhere important or just picking up brown sugar, I’m showing myself love and respect simply by being ready for the day. And that shift—from who cares to I care—changed everything.