“I just don’t know if this is everything I want,” Erin said in a defeated tone. We had been arguing for about two weeks now. It all started because he was helping me with a project and knew someone who could assist. I was excited and reached out, but while nothing concrete had come from it, it was causing problems at home with his wife.
She worried that if anyone found out about me and Erin, it would somehow reflect poorly on her, even though there was no reason for me, her, and him to ever be in the same room. I’d expressed no interest in their personal life or meeting anyone connected to them. Despite her partner being actively involved in her life—meeting their kids and Erin’s sister—she was still uncomfortable with the idea of me possibly meeting a former work colleague of his. Erin was caught in the middle, and if it was too stressful, I knew I was out.
I don’t, in any shape or form, expect him to choose me over her. I’m not stepping in to care for kids in the event of a divorce or making any major life changes for him, so why would I expect anything like that? What I did expect, though, was some balance and communication between them before he involved himself in my situation—a situation I never asked for his help with. But that didn’t happen. Now he was stressed, and I was out.
When he said it, I expected to feel upset, to feel some type of loss. But honestly, I was over it.
He went on about how overwhelmed he was, how everyone was angry, and how he just wanted things to go back to the way they were two weeks ago. “Because breaking up will fix everything,” I thought. I heard the despair in his voice, but at this point, there was nothing left to say. I wasn’t going to keep arguing or fighting over a man who wasn’t really mine.
He asked if he should text me tomorrow. “I don’t know, are you? You just broke up with me,” I snapped back. After that, silence. We ended the call.
I expected sadness or disappointment, a moment to pause. But instead, I felt relieved. This relationship had consumed so much of my time and mental energy. I had lost touch with myself because I was constantly talking to him or going out with him.
Afterward, I got up and went to do some puppy enrichment, then yoga. I don’t have a lesson here. Sometimes in life, there aren’t any lessons or profound wisdom to gain. Sometimes things just happen—they’re simply chapters in your life. And that’s the way the river flows—for now.
-Kimberly Rae
With love & moonlight,
Vintessa
Sacred musings | Mystic practices | Soft heart, wild spirit