The Tranquil Vintessa

I love, love the fiery, passionate, steamy kind of love. The kind that feels exciting and electric. But that type of fire almost always burns fast and fizzles even faster. That raw emotion either turns toxic or ends up being nothing more than a fun summer thing.

And I’ll be real: I get a little delulu. I start believing that during the breakup, he’ll suddenly wake up and fight for me. He’ll chase me, profess something deep, or do some dramatic final-hour gesture to win me back.

But it rarely happens.

And while you might laugh at it, I know I’m not alone. A lot of us want that movie-ending moment — the man proving it was real, proving it meant something. But nine times out of ten, they don’t. If anything, they give you more reasons to walk away.

So here’s how I take off the rose-colored glasses, avoid the lover-girl whirlwind, and end a relationship clean. This is the method that keeps my emotions in check and the delusion at bay.

1. Call the relationship what it actually was.

We love to say it was “deep” and “real,” but sometimes it wasn’t love at all.

Sometimes it was:

• habit
• sex
• convenience
• boredom
• or filling a void

And that’s okay — as long as you admit it. Acknowledge the truth so you can release it.

2. Judge him by his actions, not his words.

Lover girls melt when a man starts talking about how much he loves you, how sorry he is, how he’ll “do better.” Even an “I’m sorry” gift will have us acting brand new. But stop and ask:

Did he actually change anything? Does he even understand what the problem was? What new actions did he take to fix things?

If the answer is “none,” then you already know you’ll be going back to the same old thing.

3. When it’s time to leave, keep it short and don’t be angry.

Don’t do it in anger. Anger cools off, and then you start questioning yourself.

That’s why you do your reflecting while you’re still together so you have your wits about you when you call it off. So cool down. Observe your life with him and without him.

Which version of you feels more at peace? That’s how you make your decision with a clear mind, not your emotions. And when you’re ready, keep it short and sweet.

My last breakup I just said, “This isn’t fun anymore, and I’m out.”

That was it. No paragraph-long speech. No letting him pull me back in. Just leave.

4. Make a list — and don’t lie to yourself.

Write down and cover why you’re leaving and why you shouldn’t go back.

What the relationship actually was and how he made you feel at the end, not the beginning

This list will save you later.

5. Immediately pour into yourself.

Do something new for you.

Redecorate.

Learn to make fresh pasta.

Start a project.

Focus on your girls.

Anything that reminds you: you are a whole person outside of him.

6. Don’t block

I know, wild. But hear me out. When you’ve blocked them your lover girl mind begins to wonder what they’re doing, if they’re blowing up your phone and if they are what could they be saying? Are they crashing out? You want to see! So you unblock them and it’s nothing so now you go through that. Cut it all out and just leave him unblocked then you can actually see what’s happening – Most of the time he’s not messagaing you or if he is it’s at midnight drunk and horny coming to you. You need to see that because it shows you where you fall in his life Are you what he thinks about in the morning or what he thinks when he’s drunk at night. Play your cards accordingly

7. Rebuild your life — and upgrade yourself.

Draft the version of you that you’re becoming:

What does she eat? How does she live? What standards does she have? Who is she when she doesn’t shrink for a man?

Start being her. Even in small ways, do her daily rituals and watch your life transform in ways you could never imagine.

Take a breath. Release. You’ll be okay — truly. Breakups are hard, but buy yourself flowers, get a pastry, sit in your space, and remember: romance does not come from a man. It comes from you. He’ll call. He’ll text. He’ll stretch out the goodbye. But eventually, it becomes noise. And then it stops.

This is the method that works for me — the recovering delulu lover girl. It keeps my emotions in check and helps me see the relationship for what it actually was. A slow-burn breakup, not a dramatic “what if.”

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