After Erin and I left the taco place, my head was still spinning. I didn’t know how I wanted to handle the situation. It all seemed legit. I didn’t want anything serious anyway, so why not try something new? Maybe even a little taboo? I decided to give it a try—if things went awry or I got a bad vibe, I’d dip. No harm done.
We continued to talk. He spoke more about his family life, and I told him about mine. It was nice. Everything was open communication, and when I did feel uneasy, we stopped and talked about it. It felt odd—comfortable, but odd. In my past relationships, when I would get uneasy and anxious, I would press it down, let them do what they needed quickly, while I silently prayed it was over. Here, we didn’t move until both parties were comfortable and okay. Something I didn’t expect being a side chick. It was nice, and I felt my guards come down rather quickly. It’s only been a month, and I feel my feminine energy coming out—something I didn’t know I had or thought I would enjoy. I forgot how fun it was to get dressed up and go out on a date. I forgot how soft I was and could be when I didn’t feel like I needed to keep my guard up 24/7. I remembered I didn’t need to prove anything; I could just be me, and it was nice.
The most shocking thing I learned was that I like to give more than I receive. When you’re not keeping a tally on who got what or feeling as if you have to perform the way they want, it’s refreshing. I never thought I would relearn about myself during this time. But I did. I didn’t realize how brainwashed or messed up my mind was until I had someone show me that there was another way—that I didn’t have to be strong and fight everything. The pressure of being perfect and getting something out of it was gone. I could just have the fun, relaxing relationship I wanted.
After another evening of passion, I was resting my head on his chest. I took a long sigh and giggled.
“What?” he asked, wrapping his arm around me.
“Nothing,” I said with a smile, burrowing into him. This is what it was like to feel safe, calm, and cared for. With someone I liked. The other stuff didn’t matter—it was just us until…
“Oh wait, my wife is calling,” he said, getting up. My fantasy was broken. It’s the curse of the Pisces. You get wrapped up in a world of fiction only for it to crash down on you. What was I doing? I can’t fall for him; he isn’t mine. I’m not really his. Maybe it’s time for me to explore polygamy—he doesn’t have one, why should I? I reached over and grabbed my wine and my phone. I reopened Hinge to find a few potentials on my feed. I opened a message and heard, “What are you doing?” behind me. I looked up, and Erin was peering over my shoulder.
“I was just responding to a few messages.”
“Oh, so you’re looking for other partners?”
“Maybe.”
“What if I told you I didn’t want you looking for other people?”
Almost without thinking, I blurted out, “You have a whole wife at home, what do you mean I can’t look elsewhere?”
His eyes turned down, defeated. “You’re right, fair is fair. Just don’t tell me about it.”
“I wasn’t. You were looking over my shoulder,” I said.
“What? You mean this shoulder?” he said, kissing me softly.
“You don’t play fair,” I said, putting my phone down and falling into the moment. Maybe I could put off finding someone else until I get out of this bed. Hopefully, I didn’t bite off more than I can chew.
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With love & moonlight,
Vintessa
Sacred musings | Mystic practices | Soft heart, wild spirit