The Tranquil Vintessa

When I enter a relationship—any relationship, for that matter—I categorize people. Either they’re just for fun and will last three months or less, they’re potential for a real, long-term connection, or they’re simply filling a spot and keeping me occupied when I have nothing else going on. I know that sounds bad, but it’s been my way of protecting myself. Maybe that’s why people often feel like they don’t really know me and why I’ve struggled to form deep bonds.

This past year, I decided I wanted to change. Moving to a new city felt like a chance for a fresh start. I didn’t have to be shackled to old patterns anymore because today is always an opportunity for a new beginning. That’s why today felt so significant—I was going to let Erin, my poly partner, into my home.

We’ve been together for six months, and I finally felt comfortable enough to take this step. It’s a huge deal for me because I haven’t let anyone into my house in three years. My home is my sacred space, where I shut out the world and recharge. But if I want someone in my life, I need to let them in—and that means letting them into my home, too.

I tried to downplay my anxiety by blaming it on my reactive dog. “I can’t have him around just anyone, ya know?” I joked, knowing full well that my dog, Tokie, would be fine after a few minutes. The truth was, I was protecting myself. If I kept people out, they couldn’t really affect me. But growth doesn’t come from hiding away in a cozy apartment; it comes from embracing new experiences and welcoming new people. So, with a nervous deep breath, I opened my door to Erin.

Why Erin? Despite a few mishaps, he’s been consistent, and honestly, I was tired of hotel hopping when I could have someone to chill with at home. It just felt like the right time—I can’t hide forever.

As I paced back and forth, trying to appear relaxed, I heard a light knock at the door. Tokie, as expected, started barking. I opened the door, nerves bubbling, but Erin greeted me with a smile and a bouquet of flowers.

“Welcome,” I said with a mix of sarcasm and sincerity, introducing him to Tokie. After a few treats to calm my anxious pup (which didn’t work, by the way), I put the flowers in a jar and led Erin to the couch. We spent the evening catching up on each other’s days. When I asked him what he thought of my place, he gave a quick glance at my plant-filled space and blanket-covered couch before nodding. “It’s what I expected—a mini jungle,” he said with a smirk. I laughed. That’s exactly the vibe I was going for.

After a few hours, we called it a night. Once I locked the door and released Tokie from his post, I plopped down on the couch with a deep sigh. I did it. I let someone into my space, and I was okay. I wasn’t embarrassed. I didn’t feel shame. I wasn’t hurt. Someone was in my sanctuary, and it was fine. It was more than fine—it was good.

Not every step toward growth has to be big and dramatic. Sometimes, it’s inviting your partner over for a movie night and praying your dog doesn’t bark the whole time. And much like the events we over-dramatize in our heads, it turns out okay. Sometimes, it’s even fun.

If you enjoyed this read, please like and share. Let’s keep growing together—one small step at a time.

—Kimberly Rae