The Tranquil Vintessa

Ok, we can talk, right? Like real talk?

I’ve had good relationships and I’ve had bad ones. Believe it or not, the ones I enjoyed the most were often the ones with the most drama. I was never one to take relationships seriously. There was always a reason I got into them—none of it involving love. I was always in it for the passion.

While I don’t double back, I started to notice a pattern. Even after my last relationship, when I started dating again, it wasn’t for love. It was to add a bit more excitement to my life. Not the best reason to start anything—but it was a reason.

I think I do this because I see my life as a story. Something to be told. And I remember when I was younger, I never wanted to be boring, dull, or predictable. I wanted an exciting life. One of my favorite phrases is, “I lived a life, that’s why I sit at home now.” It’s been wild and crazy, and I look back on it and smile.

But as I get older, dating isn’t the same. The drama isn’t fun and exciting anymore. It’s not passionate. It’s not taboo or controversial to have sex on the first date—it’s expected. Dating a man with a sordid past when you’re younger feels dangerous and thrilling. In your 30s, it’s more like, “You’re still doing this?”

The excitement is gone. And now, with dating apps, meeting new people feels like a chore instead of a new experience.

Now that I’m older—and have been “in the streets” for a few years—I still don’t have the desire to settle down. But I also don’t have the desire to date. Even casually. Going out, meeting, connecting, then parting ways? It’s all just too mundane.

The drama I used to be drawn to doesn’t seem worth it anymore.

I guess that comes with age and healing. You just get over the bullshit and start asking yourself: Is this even worth your peace?

sigh Things were so much simpler when we were younger—without bills and jobs. But rent is due, and that’s drama enough for me!

However, every now and again, I’ll hear the siren’s call of a slightly dramatic relationship. And yes, I will indulge, enjoy, and leave when it’s done. If not for anything else, but to add a new dramafilled chapter to my story.