The Tranquil Vintessa

Scrolling through my feed, I came across a post discussing how society often places the burden on women to secure a relationship and ensure its success. It paints an idealized version of marriage and soulmates that we’re all expected to pursue, and if we don’t, somehow it’s our fault. I paused for a moment to reflect, and if you’ve read any of my posts (like this one), you’re probably aware that I don’t fit into that box. In fact, I’m noticing that more and more women my age aren’t fitting that mold either.

When I think about my friends and reflect on past conversations, I realize I never heard them discussing finding their soulmate or planning their weddings. I didn’t even think women were really focused on that until I worked at a bridal shop for a few months. I’d hear the girls gush over dresses, dream about their weddings, and talk about quitting their jobs to become stay-at-home wives or to follow their husbands around while they pursued their careers. While I understand why some women choose that path, it’s not something I ever envisioned for myself.

Take my sister, for example. She’s a stay-at-home mom now, but she wasn’t always. She had a degree, worked on her career, and made her own decisions. When she had kids, it was more practical and budget-friendly for her to stay home while her husband worked. But now that the kids are older, she’s returned to her career and even took on WFH jobs during her time at home. This wasn’t her original goal; it was just what made the most sense at the time.

And yet, some women do aspire to be stay-at-home wives or mothers, and I find that interesting because it wasn’t part of my upbringing or adult life experience. So when people assume that I’m going to get married, have kids, or get “caught up in the system” of an idealized family life, I can’t help but wonder—what world are they living in? What time are they referencing?

In my opinion, no woman is less than because she doesn’t want a man or children. In fact, more women are choosing to remain single because they find peace in it. More couples are getting married just because “why not?”—opting for domestic partnerships or elopements over grand weddings. I’m seeing this shift happen in my own circle, at least.

The idea of marriage, children, and the perfect wedding day has long been removed from its pedestal. It’s no longer about fitting into some ideal, but about what works for the individuals involved. It’s not the woman’s job or the man’s job—it’s just a job, and some are up for it while others aren’t. Neither choice is wrong.

We need to let go of the notion that there is a single “right” way to live life. We should embrace the freedom to explore ourselves and the world a little longer, before setting down roots—or deciding not to set roots at all. It’s your life, live it as you see fit.

What path are you choosing to walk in this season of your life? Are you following societal expectations, or are you making your own rules? Let’s talk about it!