The Tranquil Vintessa

There are two main things I’m focusing on while dating: embracing life and having fun. Since I’m not looking for anything long-term (read about that here), I just want to get back out on the road and see where it takes me. I don’t want to get caught up in the minuscule things—I want to laugh and giggle again when I meet someone new! With that energy in mind, I refreshed my dating profiles and went on the hunt. It’s summer time; there’s no reason to be held up.

That’s where I met Erin—tall, dark, and handsome, albeit with a bit of a geeky aura. We started talking almost a month ago, and I decided to reach back out. I didn’t harbor any negative vibes towards him; I just didn’t respond. But with my last date (read here), my dating flame was reignited. I quickly swiped through his pictures and thought he was still cute, so I sent him my number on a whim. He texted almost a few hours later, and we talked throughout the night. This quickly developed into us talking daily, all day, about any and everything. He kept asking me, “If you have any questions, just ask.” I thought he was just being open and vulnerable; little did I know there was a deeper meaning behind that question.

The Meetup

After two weeks, our schedules finally aligned so we could meet up and talk in person. I wanted to remain casual—this wasn’t a date after all, and I had been cleaning all day anyway. So, a simple pair of black biker shorts and a crop top would work. I wanted to give off the air that I didn’t care, plus it was also 98 degrees, and we were just getting tacos. As I pulled up, he was waiting for me in front of the building. A bit of my anxiety eased seeing that he looked like his pictures. I quickly freshened up and headed out.

We greeted each other and then went inside and sat down. Once he put his hands on the table, I realized why he might have been asking if I had any questions. Right there on his left hand was a wedding band.

“Are you married?” I asked, looking at the ring.

“Yeah. I thought you knew that. It’s on my profile,” he responded casually.

I quickly took out my phone and pulled up his profile. Right there in big bold letters, it said Non-monogamous, ENM. All over his profile, it said it. That’s why he was asking if I had any questions—he was referring to that. Oh Lord, what did I get myself into? He proceeded to tell me he and his wife are ENM (Ethical Non-Monogamous), how she has a partner (who she was currently out with). He showed me tons of proof from an app specifically for ENM to him and his wife talking about me. She knows about me, knows he’s here, and they’re both down. He’s happily married, not looking for an out—I’m just fun on the side.

I nervously sipped my margarita, processing this information.

“Are you okay with it?” he asked. I had no idea if I was okay with it, but then again, I didn’t know what I was opposed to. Actually faced with the option of a relationship going nowhere and just having fun, no drama, no deep emotions, I had to wonder: was it something I was okay with?

“As long as you don’t bring drama to my door. I don’t want ‘Barbara, this is Shirley’ moments,” I quipped.

He laughed, and I saw the tension ease. “No, she knows all about you. I talk about you a lot.”

“Hopefully not in an overbearing way,” I thought to myself. We continued talking about everything, and now more. I wanted to know the rules and where I stood and everything in between. He said that it’s new to them too, and they’re still figuring things out, taking it one day at a time. We ended the evening on a high note with an official date set for the near future. As I got into my car, I couldn’t help but wonder what I had gotten myself into. Is this what I wanted, or am I about to backtrack on everything? But then I remembered, I just wanted to have fun and get used to dating again. I haven’t had to date anyone in eight years; my last two relationships were with people I knew since my teens, and the past four years were dedicated to me. Maybe I need something low-pressure, no stakes, just to get my head back in the game. We will have to see how this one goes.

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