The Tranquil Vintessa

Your thirties are a weird time. You’re a full-fledged adult, but somehow you still don’t always feel like one. You feel like you should be further in life, yet people constantly remind you that there’s still so much life left to live. It’s this strange in-between stage where you feel like you’re supposed to be somewhere, but you’re not entirely sure where that place is.

Some people find themselves in their thirties. It’s where they thrive and finally find their rhythm. But sometimes it feels like you’re simply existing one day at a time while the days continue moving forward whether you’re ready or not.

That’s how I’ve been feeling lately.

A few weeks ago, I was talking with my sister, and somehow we ended up discussing where we are in life. While everyone else seemed to have someone, I realized I was kind of just out here on my own. Granted, I have a few friends, but no significant other, no kids by choice. It’s just me and my pup.

At first, I didn’t think much about it because I don’t regret leaving my past relationships. They were toxic, and walking away was better for me. But that’s the odd part about your thirties. Most of the time you don’t regret your decisions, yet you still wonder, what if? Or why hasn’t someone come along?

Then you find comfort in the loneliness epidemic because it reminds you that you’re not alone in feeling alone. But somehow that realization can feel even sadder because everyone is lonely, yet no one seems to be reaching out to truly connect anymore.

So what do you do?

Most people try to date it away or shop it away, but eventually you realize that doesn’t work. I’ve found that being alone can become a time to truly figure out who you are. You don’t have to constantly be there for kids or a significant other, so instead you get the opportunity to create a life you genuinely want.

That sounds simple, almost obvious, but it’s harder than it seems because eventually the question stops being “What am I supposed to do?” and becomes “What do I actually want to do?”

There’s a difference.

Explore that. Create the life you dreamed of when no one else was around. Not for who you were as a child, but for who you are now.

That’s what I did, and it brought me an inner peace I didn’t know I was capable of. It didn’t completely fix the loneliness, but it made me okay with being alone. Sometimes it even made me prefer it.

I don’t apologize for being myself anymore, and I’ve realized that I’ll be okay whether someone comes into my life or not. If they do, they’ll add to the life I’ve already built, and I’ll add to theirs. And if they don’t, I’ll still be alright regardless.

Loneliness at any age, but especially in your thirties, can become one of the most empowering seasons of your life if you let it. Don’t get too hung up on why certain things happened or didn’t happen. Instead, think about what you can do with the free time you have. What kind of life can you create for yourself now? I’m sure it will be beautiful.