The Tranquil Vintessa

Therapy was never a place where I walked in confused and walked out suddenly healed. Most of the time I already knew what was wrong. I went to vent, to cry, to say things out loud that I had been carrying around in my head.

What helped me most weren’t the sessions themselves, but the realizations that came during them. They weren’t dramatic or inspirational moments. They were quiet understandings about who I was, how I moved through the world, and the role I play in my own life.

The first lesson was learning that I’m not always right or the hero. I’m not sure if it’s just me, but I fall into the trap of thinking that because I’m hurt or feel a certain way about something, that my reaction must be right. And because I lived through the experience, I must have all the details. But that’s rarely the case.

Everyone has their own journey and their own reasons for doing things. My feelings, although valid, don’t justify behaving purely off of them. I learned that sometimes I’m wrong. I can feel how I feel, but the way I interpret something might be off. With this realization, I try to apologize quickly, talk things out, and remain calm and open instead of shutting down because I’m upset. I take my time to understand the situation, and sometimes, despite my best efforts, that doesn’t mean there will be a happy ending. And that’s all you can really do.

My favorite lesson I learned was probably the most eye opening. A good relationship often starts with you reaching out. This realization didn’t come from some dramatic moment. It actually came from recognizing that I had some serious trauma. After crying it out in one session, I started reaching out to people. I kept talking and connecting.

Afterward I realized the loneliness I felt wasn’t because people hated me or were against me. It was because I had closed myself off. Once I opened up, I opened the door to relationships I never thought I would have.

The last lesson I’ll share is the one that changed my life and ultimately helped me become the person I am today. It was a sunny day during Covid, and I was going through it. Luckily I had a therapy appointment that day, and when she called I instantly broke down.

After asking the forbidden question and listening to me pour out all of my grievances, she told me something that stopped me in my tracks. My life is mine, and I can live it however I want.

It was something I had never really heard before. Growing up where I did, there was always an expectation of how you were supposed to be. The way you thought, behaved, dressed, and even your hobbies were shaped by that mindset.

So getting what felt like permission to live how I wanted was incredibly liberating. The first thing I did was dye my hair. It was my quiet act of rebellion. From there, every transition in my life slowly guided me toward the slow, sensual, and self-indulgent person I am today.

For me, therapy wasn’t about sitting on a couch and ranting for an hour. The real work came from the realizations I carried with me afterward and the ways I chose to show up in my real life.