The Tranquil Vintessa

I was sitting at my kitchen counter one morning in front of an empty screen, trying to force an article about something—anything—out. What was my latest revelation? My great story? Something I’d learned?

Nothing.

I took a long sip of my hibiscus tea, turned away, and sat on my couch. I had nothing. It’s been like that for months, honestly. No story, no sense of urgency—just this quiet. I kept trying to make something happen, whether it be in dating or life, but nothing was coming.

I’ve always had something big going on, something dramatic. I’m used to chaos; it’s been my companion for as long as I can remember. Looking back on these last nine years on my own, I realize I never knew what calm was. Before that, my home life was messy, and my dating life was scandalous. I loved the thrill. But now that I’m getting older, I’ve found my pace. I know how to navigate life’s twists and turns, and I’m actually doing okay—for once. I’m thankful… but I’m bored.

I’m the embodiment of that old adage: “Those who have lived too long in chaos often mistake peace for emptiness.”

I feel stagnant. I find myself asking, “Is this what normal people do? Go to dinner for fun? Travel for excitement? That’s… boring.”

So, I picked up a few romantic novels—they gave me something to look forward to—but I finished the entire series in about a month and a half. I tried to recreate a spark, but after my healing journey, I can’t go back to my old destructive ways. Hell, I tried. I even reached out to an ex, but the moment he started talking, I knew exactly where it would lead. It didn’t even sound fun anymore—just pointless.

So that wasn’t going to work.

Instead, I decided to do something I’d never done before: dedicate my life to myself—my creativity, my curiosity, and the life I actually want. Not in a career sense, but in the simple ways: exploring my city, taking small trips, and living a truly bohemian life. No dating. No story-hunting. Just embracing this new, calm chapter. Finding pleasure in the mundane, learning art, trying new things.

It’s only been a week, but my creativity is back. My life feels brighter. I already have a few new things planned for next year. This is the year of me—not a renewal, but a reunion with the version of myself that feels at peace. A journey dedicated to passion, enjoyment, and single living.

It’s weird—but let’s do it.