The Tranquil Vintessa

I listened to the rain falling against the window. The silence it brought was comforting, offering a moment of quiet reflection that I hadn’t had in a long time. I didn’t have anything to do, no one to see, and I was caught up on everything. I could just relax. It brought me back to the beginning of my healing journey—when silence reminded me of how lonely and miserable life was. The rain used to mirror my emotions: dreary and somewhat dangerous. But after the storm, the sun would always come. That’s what I remembered in this moment.

During my healing, I spent a lot of time alone. I didn’t want to be seen—I was a work in progress. My dog was my only companion, along with the people I knew at work. In this period, I worked on my mind, trying to change my mindset. And it worked, to an extent. But the mind only knows what it already knows. You can’t change your perspective or opinion if it’s never challenged. That’s why people ask, “Are you healing, or are you just isolating?”

Instead of rereading what I already knew, I began exploring books on different lifestyles and philosophies that I had no experience with. Then, I ventured out into the world—something I touched on in my last post about being done with healing. I had learned all I could on my own. I needed to learn the things I didn’t even know I didn’t know. So, I met new people. And I realized how closed-minded I could be, how I was still so emotional, and how much I thought I had grown—but in reality, I was still immature in many embarrassing ways. I cringe just thinking about it.

And although I’m still learning, growing, and occasionally embarrassing myself, those moments of solitude allow me to reflect and calm myself, to see where I can improve. It’s in these quiet times that I can sit with myself, uninterrupted. Hearing mother nature wash away my troubles feels as if a weight has been lifted. The rain, or even grey days, are no longer filled with doubt. They’ve become a time to reflect and enjoy a cozy night in.

Growth is when you view things that once triggered you as opportunities to cleanse and refresh. As I get out of bed to make some coffee and sit on my patio to embrace the rain, I marvel at how, now that my internal storm has passed, actual rainstorms seem so beautiful.

Vintessa

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