The Tranquil Vintessa

Dating can be stressful, but every now and then, it gets so bad that it’s almost good—especially when you get a story out of it. One of my biggest character flaws? I date for the plot. If you seem like a good time, I’ll almost always swipe right. It’s something I’m working on, especially after an unnecessarily stressful relationship with my ex. But this story? This one happened a bit before that.

At the time, we were poly, and I was feeling bored. I wanted someone else to keep my interest, so I downloaded Tinder—the app with a “great reputation.” I hadn’t been on it since the 2010s, but I thought, why not give it a shot?

I ended up matching with Chris. He was in his late 40s, with a smile that could light up a room, and teeth that shone as brightly as his chain. He was handsome, and he made it clear right away that he wasn’t looking for anything serious. Now, full transparency—I don’t take any man who wears a thick chain seriously. To me, it’s either a sign that someone’s holding onto a past image or just peacocking. Either way, it wasn’t my thing. That was my first red flag.

Red flag number two: He was close to 50 and still had no idea what he wanted. After 30 years of dating, you’d think you’d know by now if you’re after something casual or serious. I get not wanting something serious—maybe you’ve been through a divorce, or you’re just not into marriage. But not knowing? That was odd.

Then came the third, and it was a doozy. During our first conversation, he casually dropped that his real name was actually William. I asked if he preferred to go by Chris or if it was his middle name. He said no—his ex, the mother of his child, would stalk his online profiles, so he created an alias to hide.

This, of course, was a huge red flag. Not only did it scream that he was probably cheating, but if by some chance he wasn’t, he had someone actively hunting for him. Either way, he was lying about who he was, and if he was lying about that, what else was he hiding?

I watch way too much true crime to laugh this off. Sir, you’re either bringing big drama to my doorstep—or worse, you’re the drama. I couldn’t help but laugh and promptly ghosted him.

Living for the plot can be fun, but don’t be reckless. Keep your eyes peeled for red flags, because ignoring them can be dangerous. Who knows what I might’ve dodged with this one. Stay safe, girlie.